When I say, "You know Mama's going to be home soon, right?" I'm also saying, "You should not feel sad." While my impulse may be kind, it's actually dismissive. When I stopped "fixing it" and participated in his world, I let him feel that I truly understood his feelings.Feelings are real, even when the causes don't make sense to another person.And when people are sad, understanding is infinitely more precious that facts.
And we'd just have a lovely snuggle." Suddenly, Max changed gears and spoke in his "you-silly-Daddy voice" -- "But my bed isn't big enough." When I gave into the impulse to "solve" the situation by telling Max the facts, I was forgetting (again) that facts are not relevant to the emotional brain.
Whatever I had felt would just unravel and pass away.
Then he might tell me a story about someone else he knew, maybe his dad or my mom, who had had a hard time with something.
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