Emotional Mojo TV show hosts Michelle Yarn, Jada Jackson, Tara Gidus and I discuss clutter in the home, office and desk along with its link to depression and mental health. Watch the TV interview here: https://youtu.be/w1LQ7l Aknn0 Whilst many people promote being an independent, self-affirming individual who is not attached to other people’s approval and opinions, it is also essential to realize that we are not islands; we cannot isolate ourselves from other people and from connection to a wider community. One of the definitions of the word validate is: Thus, to validate someone means that you demonstrate his or her value; you state or make it known that the other person is valuable, meaningful or significant; you confirm their worth – as an individual and as a part of your life or relationship.
We need to understand and accept that as humans we have certain emotional needs: Love & Connection, Security, Challenges, Significance, Growth, and Contribution. Confirming and validating someone’s worth or worthiness also involves recognizing, acknowledging, accepting and welcoming that person’s thoughts, feelings, opinions and ideas (even if you don’t agree with the other person.) If a child does not receive validation, he or she will grow up believing that his/her opinions, thoughts, feelings and ideas do not count, that they are not valid and not of any value.
Other clients with similar experiences as children tend to become desperate adults who push for validation from their partner or, they harbor resentment at the spouse because they are not being validated or because the spouse refuses to validate him/her.
(Also read my article, “Validate yourself” https://patrickwanis.com/blog/validate-yourself/ ) Accordingly, when a person does not validate or refuses to validate the other person, then he or she is Thus, to invalidate someone means that you weaken the other person and make him or feel wrong; you deliberately or clearly demonstrate that the other person has no value.
Through a simple "Oh, grow up," or a "Stop being a baby," your partner is rejecting the validity of your emotions.
Your partner avoiding the "work" in the relationship is like wanting to have his cake and eat it, too.
Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.
“You’re over-reacting.” “That’s totally irrational.” “There’s no reason to be upset.” If you have anxiety, chances are you’ve been hearing these kinds of statements for as long as you’ve struggled with the disorder.
When a child is invalidated (constantly criticized, condemned or harshly judged) then he or she grows up with serious deficits in self-esteem – believing that they can never do anything right and judging themselves (and others) as failures, losers or incompetent.
Thus, an adult who was invalidated as a child will fear all forms of self-expression but might also suffer from perfectionism, extreme self-criticism and self-loathing.